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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22425904">Understanding</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TisBee/pseuds/TisBee'>TisBee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Spies Are Forever - Talkfine/Tin Can Brothers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cynthia is understanding, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, curt is sad, fun times, i guess?, vaguely angsty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:20:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,106</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22425904</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TisBee/pseuds/TisBee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Cynthia understands</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cynthia Houston &amp; Agent Curt Mega, Cynthia Houston/Original Female Character(s), Owen Carvour/Agent Curt Mega</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>102</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Understanding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi this is proof that every single Cynthia fic is the same</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After that fateful mission, Curt nearly didn’t go back. But of course, he had to. If he didn’t what would he do?<br/>——<br/>“Ok Curt, I need you to tell me exactly what happened and exactly how Owen managed to get himself killed.”</p>
<p>His vision blurred as he looked at her. She could see his eyes fill with tears and she silently begged him not to start crying. She knew he blamed himself and she sighed, stopping what she was saying and sitting down carefully.</p>
<p>“It will do you no good to blame yourself.” She said, voice softer than anyone who’d ever sat in this office had heard.</p>
<p>He looked up in surprise, then back down at his hands not saying anything.</p>
<p>“Listen, I know what it’s like to lose a partner-”</p>
<p>“No you don’t.” He looked up properly this time, eyes boring into her soul. She seemed to be able to see every emotion in them- anger, guilt, grief, even fear.</p>
<p>He was probably afraid of her.</p>
<p>Most people were.</p>
<p>And for good reason too. She’d curated a reputation for herself that no one dared challenge. She heard every rumour. Of course she did. And far too many were about her.</p>
<p>But she ignored them and carried on with her work. She’d stopped caring about all of that long ago. </p>
<p>She looked up at him, wondering if he really did believe that she was as stone hearted as everyone said she was. They said that she didn’t care who lived and who died, but she did. When an agent died she mourned. But she couldn’t show it. They would all call her weak anyway, question why she was in charge and they weren’t.</p>
<p>So she never showed her feelings.</p>
<p>But she used to.</p>
<p>Too much.</p>
<p>If she knew what was good for her, she would shut her heart out of this, but she felt for Curt. And she cared about him too much.</p>
<p>She used to show her feelings. Those feelings had cost her though. More than Curt would know.<br/>——<br/>On her very first mission, she’d nearly died.</p>
<p>It was far too dangerous for a first and the only two female agents were on the course were sent on it. It was perfectly clear that they were both meant to die. They had too many people in the group, so the two of them were expendable. The mission was pointless anyway.</p>
<p>But the two of them stupidly fell in love. With each other. </p>
<p>A month was all they had together, but Cynthia really was in love. She was pretty fucking useless back then.</p>
<p>The bullet had been meant for her. But her partner, whom she barely knew, took it for her.</p>
<p>As she took her last breath, Cynthia promised her that she’d survive, that she’d become everything that everyone said she couldn’t.</p>
<p>She didn’t break her promises, especially to those who were dying.<br/>——<br/>She’d always been fairly comfortable in her in her sexuality, despite it being illegal. Well, it was illegal for men but she’d been in talks about it, always on the defensive for them, of course, but what man wants to listen to a woman? Particularly on matters such as this.</p>
<p>She knew exactly what would happen to her if she were caught.</p>
<p>Everything she’d worked for would be gone.</p>
<p>But she had been caught. Just once. Back when she was still young and stupid and careless. Much like Curt. No where near as careless as men, mind. If she had been, she would never be in the position she was in now. But stupid enough that some of her enemies had caught her.</p>
<p>And then they told her.</p>
<p>About how they knew all about her ‘little affairs’.</p>
<p>Her blood had run cold and that was when she knew she was in real danger.</p>
<p>Then they called out her ‘little affair’.</p>
<p>And they killed her.</p>
<p>So she killed all of them.</p>
<p>Naturally.</p>
<p>She wished she could say it was all for revenge but that would be a lie. It was more out of fear that more people would find out.</p>
<p>She stopped believing in love after that.</p>
<p>Well, not entirely.</p>
<p>Some of her partners didn’t die because of her. But she left a lot of them because they were in danger. That wasn’t exactly her fault, but once she stopped going out in the field (always remembering her first promise) she realised that no one wanted to fall in love with her and she didn’t have time to love anyone else.</p>
<p>She was so tired of it all. Of people thinking she couldn’t hear them when she passed by in the hallway. It was even worse when it went silent and she could feel every pair of eyes on her. It was understandable, though. If she were in their position she’d probably do the same.</p>
<p>And she’d done it all to herself. If she hadn’t built up such a stone cold persona, maybe people would trust her more. But she had kept her promise, hadn’t she? And now she had responsibilities that she couldn’t afford to mess up.</p>
<p>“I do understand. I know how close you and Owen were. I know the guilt you’re feeling. But you can’t blame yourself forever. He’d want you to move on.”</p>
<p>Curt shook his head, so imperceptible that Cynthia nearly didn’t notice. If she hadn’t been watching him so closely, she wouldn’t have.</p>
<p>She laughed bitterly. “Do you really think you were that discrete?”</p>
<p>“What?” He asked, flinching slightly.</p>
<p>She lowered her voice so it was almost a hiss. “Don’t try and deny it any further.”</p>
<p>“I-”</p>
<p>“God, Curt. Spare me. It’s illegal. You couldn’t move at least tried to keep it under wraps.” She said.</p>
<p>“How long have you known?” He shut his eyes in resignation.</p>
<p>“Since you got back from your first mission, you fucking idiots.” She snapped.</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>“Yes, oh.” She said coldly.</p>
<p>He fell silent and she let him just sit and think for a while.</p>
<p>“So you do understand.” He said quietly and she suddenly felt very vulnerable. </p>
<p>She hadn’t felt like this in a long time. She didn’t like it.</p>
<p>Maybe this would have been better if she hadn’t said anything. She’d never been any good at comforting people, and how was letting her know she knew his deepest secret help him?</p>
<p>It wouldn’t.</p>
<p>In any way.</p>
<p>“I do understand.” She said quietly.</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>“Now go take your so called ‘grieving period’.” She said standing up.</p>
<p>He nodded again, but waited a moment before leaving.</p>
<p>God, she’d buried all those memories so far down that they almost weren’t there anymore.</p>
<p>Almost.</p>
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